Sumtun

After spending a large majority of my life in education, when September rolls around each year, I cant help but want to start a new term.

I have an overwhelming urge to buy fresh stationary and sharpen some pencils.

To write neatly on the first page of an exercise book and get excited about a new timetable.

I know that I've probably written about this before, apologies for the repetition...again.

It always feels like the alternative new year for me. But not a happy celebration kind. Its more questioning, reflective, and more often than not, doubtful.

There's also the inevitable not very pleasant memories linked to this month too.

Which is why its been so lovely to spend most of this month away on holiday, as I've been able to ignore this irksome time of year.

I heard it called 'Sumtun' today. Because we're not in Summer anymore, but haven't quite reached Autumn. This merging of words into something that feels odd and uncomfortable, sums up my feelings at the moment. I'm neither here, nor there. 

I'm not there anymore. But I haven't reached that point either.

Confused?

Yeah me too.

Its something to do with that horrible world 'career' that's linked to September I think. And 'choices'. Ooo yeah that's definitely linked to September too.

I sometimes call myself a writer, but I feel like I'm doing a pretty awful job of that at the moment. I don't write on here as much, when I do I feel like I'm repeating myself, and I don't have the confidence to start on any of my other ideas buzzing round my head.

I sometimes call myself a painter, but I'm doing a pretty awful job of that too. I haven't been in my studio for so long. I'm having a major creative block. Some people ask me to think about work for their houses, but I just haven't got the sparkle to paint anything for them. I have ideas, start something, then end up hating it and destroying the canvas.

Anyway.

Good news is, only one more day left of September.

xxx