Sunday, 29 September 2013


After spending a large majority of my life in education, when September rolls around each year, I cant help but want to start a new term.

I have an overwhelming urge to buy fresh stationary and sharpen some pencils.

To write neatly on the first page of an exercise book and get excited about a new timetable.

I know that I've probably written about this before, apologies for the repetition...again.

It always feels like the alternative new year for me. But not a happy celebration kind. Its more questioning, reflective, and more often than not, doubtful.

There's also the inevitable not very pleasant memories linked to this month too.

Which is why its been so lovely to spend most of this month away on holiday, as I've been able to ignore this irksome time of year.

I heard it called 'Sumtun' today. Because we're not in Summer anymore, but haven't quite reached Autumn. This merging of words into something that feels odd and uncomfortable, sums up my feelings at the moment. I'm neither here, nor there. 

I'm not there anymore. But I haven't reached that point either.


Yeah me too.

Its something to do with that horrible world 'career' that's linked to September I think. And 'choices'. Ooo yeah that's definitely linked to September too.

I sometimes call myself a writer, but I feel like I'm doing a pretty awful job of that at the moment. I don't write on here as much, when I do I feel like I'm repeating myself, and I don't have the confidence to start on any of my other ideas buzzing round my head.

I sometimes call myself a painter, but I'm doing a pretty awful job of that too. I haven't been in my studio for so long. I'm having a major creative block. Some people ask me to think about work for their houses, but I just haven't got the sparkle to paint anything for them. I have ideas, start something, then end up hating it and destroying the canvas.


Good news is, only one more day left of September.


Saturday, 28 September 2013


A friend showed me this picture today....

She also experiences anxiety, so she wasn't laughing in my face or anything. Just thought I should make that clear.

It made me giggle, it made me chuckle, and it also made me think YES, we are all superheroes.

Well, not everyone obviously. But the majority of nice top banana people anyway.

The people that experience anxiety, stress, depression, psychotic episodes, paranoia or obsessions, and are challenged every single day.

You are a superhero.

Honestly, you are.

Don't forget it please.

Because you're here, and you're still fighting.

You're not afraid to seek help, and reach out.

You don't mind talking about how you feel.

You haven't given up.

And that's pretty super.

I also hope, that like me (anxiety girl) you can laugh at yourself.

I may even start wearing my knickers over my jeans just to remind myself that I'm a superhero too.

When I'm having a particularly bad day, I think that may help. Fashioning a small cape could also work. I suggest you could do the same...

I feel like I could write a little more about this...But strictly is almost on, next time heroes.


Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Staring into space

Well I've spent a productive few days hibernating from the world. But tomorrow I need to venture out of my nest and go back to work.

Yesterday I spent an hour unravelling a ball of green wool.


It was a great distraction.

Then today I spent an unnaturally long time sitting on my bedroom carpet.

For reasons completely unknown to myself or the carpet.


Monday, 23 September 2013

No words

Yesterday was full of words.


Today there are no words.

Only sorrow in our hearts.
And comfort in our embrace.


Monday, 9 September 2013

Double check and triple check

Last post for a little while as I'm off on my hollibobs. Whilst my theme tune for the journey is the cheesy classic, 'Summer holiday', Mr B seems to be singing the Venga Boys.

Not sure which is more tragic.

Anyway, I've been taking some deep breaths and ticking off my lists, so not a lot more I can do now.

Apart from PANIC!


Breathe Susie. Breathe.

Think I just need to focus on the beach, the sunshine, the pool.

And forget about the scary airport and plane. Get out of my head. Eekk.




Right, time for some double and triple checking....


Sunday, 8 September 2013

The night before

Pack pack pack.

Lists list lists.

Panic panic panic.

Check check check.

Breathe breathe breathe.


Friday, 6 September 2013

Time to Talk

If you haven't seen it already, here's a snap of my snazzy new temporary tattoo courtesy of the lovely peeps at Time to Change.
Its all part of their latest campaign designed to get people chatting more about mental health.
Which I think, is an absolutely super duper plan. Top banana all round.
I've just been looking on their website and they've got some great tips on how to start that conversation with someone you know who's struggling.
Do check out their website for the full list and details, but here is my edited version...
Don't be afraid to talk about it...It can seem like the pink elephant in the room, but don't let it be. If there was a real life pink elephant in a room you would want to go and say hello, you wouldn't want to ignore it, poor pink elephant, that would be mean. So, if you know your friend/family member/whoever has been struggling, don't ignore the issue, ask them about it. Don't pretend it doesn't exist. And remember that poor pink elephant.
Never tell a person to cheer up. Please don't. If you do I will come running after you with a stick and poke you.
Ask what you can do for them...   Everyone is different. (Obviously.) But remember that what kind of support you find helpful, might be different to what someone else finds helpful. If you don't ask, you wont know, so ask. I dare you.
Stop looking at your watch (or calendar.) Miracles can happen. But not over night. Be patient. And let them know you're gonna be around for the long haul flight option (not just a 2 hour trip to Spain.)
As I said, this is just my own little edited version of what you can check out on the Time to Change website.
So go out, start a conversation, and change someone's day for the better.
I expect great things of you all.

Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Time to change travel insurance

I believe today is Wednesday, which means tomorrow is Thursday, and I have to get up early and go to work.


But I also believe that the day after tomorrow is Friday, and the day after that is Saturday, and two days after that I'm off on my holibobs.


Get me with my positive thinking.

I'm still having somewhat of a creative painting block, so in order to keep my mind and hands occupied, I spent this afternoon making cards.

Not a deck of cards.

Making those would be kind of difficult.

I mean greeting cards. Obviously.

Don't know why I felt the need to explain that.

Anyway, it kept me out of trouble for a few hours.

I also spent some time looking for travel insurance. For those of you not on twitter, let me fill you in on a shocking story...

Last night I was quoted £14 for a travel insurance policy. However after filling in the medical details, stating I was on prescribed medication for depression, I was then quoted £716.60.



They are basically saying they won't insure me because I have depression. Which frankly is just insulting.

And so I have spent a considerable amount of time trying to find an insurance company that doesn't ask you these questions:

  • Have you ever had a compulsory admission to hospital for depression?

  • How many hospital admissions have you had for THIS condition in the last 2 years?

  • Have you currently been advised to take any medication for this illness?

  • Have you been referred to or treated by a psychiatrist for depression?

  • Has depression ever caused you to cancel or cut short a planned trip?
These questions are highly personal, patronising and demoralising.

And then I get told...

"The responses you have given increase the likelihood of a claim."

Which then results in the prices getting hiked up by about £50, and that still seems unreasonable to me.

Its time to change these shoddy insurance companies.

They need to wise up to the fact that 1 in 4 people experience mental illnesses.
And it shouldn't stop people from getting the same price travel insurance.


Rant over.


Monday, 2 September 2013

Hangover over!

Well, I would have written this yesterday.

However, I was suffering from the hangover from hell.

Oh my word was it bad.

The worst of the worst.

Head pounding.

Stomach lurching.

I couldn't even manage to drink a diet coke, my usual fail safe hangover cure.

Neither could I walk upright, I was kind of hobbling round like an old lady.

Never mind, these things happen. Mainly when I go to Blagdon actually.

But I have learnt my lesson.


I think.

Mama Pig did manage to cure my headache for a little while though, as she surprised me with a new bag of sale purchases for me. What a gem.

I haven't been shopping for so long, and its lovely to have some new clothes. Thank you Mama!

Off on my holibobs next week, so I will be saving them up to prance around in the sunshine.

Need to make my list of holibobs things to do. Insurance. Euros. Those fairly important necessities.

For now though, I'm going to do some more scribblings. (Not on here though, on another mini project that is exploding in my brain so I have to get typing, like now...)