Supernova

 

Definition of supernova

noun (plural supernovae /-viː/ or supernovas)

• a star that suddenly increases greatly in brightness because of a catastrophic explosion that ejects most of its mass.

And that is the title of my latest painting folks....

Today has been a better day.

Hurrah.

The past 6 months of my blog are now printed and bound (and almost look like a proper book, how exciting!) I've pretty much finished my final painting. And, to top it all off, the chairman of BANES Council,  Councillor Rob Appleyard is coming to the private view.  Hurrah for a Bath celeb (well, kind of...) Also means that now the press will be at the private view. Another hurrah and lets do a little dance. I think my hard work is finally paying off.  

 

4 days until the start of the exhibition.

Let the countdown begin!

xxx

P.S I would put a photo up of my latest work, but you willl just have to get your gorgeous self down to the exhibition instead! :-p

Crispy brain

My brain is fried. Fried to a crisp.

Like a chip that has been in the fryer for too long and is now a crispy crisp. All burnt, crispy and crunchy. Yes, that's me.

Yuk.

Yesterday it was all too much and I broke out in uncontrollable tears. My mind was spiralling and I just didn't know how on earth I was going to carry on with this exhibition.

However, despite the fried brain, and with the help of Mr B calming me down last night, I do feel slightly better today.

All I want to do is curl up in a ball and go to sleep though.

Must.
Resist.
My
Bed.

Oh but its calling to me, I can hear its warm soothing tones beckoning me in.

Must,
Resist.
My.
Bed.

Perhaps a little lie down on the sofa instead........

xxx

My mind is at the point of explosion

Blimey o'reily just one week to go until the opening of the exhibition! Eeeek!

I've spent the majority of today sitting in front of this very computer screen, attempting to edit and format my last 6 months worth of blogs. Wowzers. My bum feels somewhat numb after sitting in the same spot for 7 hours.

After trawling through the drivel I feel rather bored of my own thoughts right now.

Well, maybe I'm being a little harsh on myself, some of it did make me giggle, I must admit.

****Fast forward 2 hours when I watched a bit of corrie and made an apperance at stitch and bitch.***

 Then came home and trapped my finger in the cupboard and howled like a baby wolf. I think its time for bed....

xxx
p.s....

Saturday night

My bedroom floor is covered in paper, photos, newspaper clippings, sketches, maps and the odd snot rag.
 

I've been spending the evening getting my sketchbook ready for the exhibition. (Mini eek.)  And apart from this occasional mini eek, it makes me a very happy girl.
 

So happy and content in fact that I completely forgot to eat any tea. Whoops. Small snack of houmous and pitta has revived me now though.
 

Woke up this morning feeling a bit winky, I mean wonky in the brain. I think my head has just been quite near to exploding several times this week. But I'm trying my very best not to get too anxious, and to just take each day at a time. I can't be perfect. I can only be me.
 

xxx

A 'P'oem

Pasta or potatoes?

Paint covered paws.

Pitta for lunch

Poundland at 4.


Painful back.

Purple hoody lingers.

Pub at 8.

Probably full of mingers.


xxx

It begins with 'm' and rhymes with paths

I partook in a most unnatural activity today. Something that made my brain ache and my frown lines increase by the second.

It begins with 'm' and rhymes with paths.

Oh how I hate it (maths, not paths.)

As I spent most of my GCSE maths lessons being distracted by boys, not much of it ever sunk in. The only algebra I understood was this,

Laughing at boys jokes + revealing some cleavage = getting boys attention.

N.B I don't necessarily recommend this algebra sum (is it called a sum? I have no idea!) I was only 16 after all. Quite cringey thinking about it actually.

ANYWAY, moving on.

What was I saying?

Oh yes, 3 hours I spent doing maths this afternoon. Cor blimey, it was tough. I mean, what are all those extra buttons on your calculator for? And why are the buttons so small and sensitive? To make me do the sum alllll over again? Is that why, because I found that was happening a lot. It also kept on saying ERROR in a very mean way. I don't like that calculator at all. No I do not.

And now my brain hurts a lot. I have a headache, my brow would like to be soothed.

Bathtime and bubbles for me I think.

xxxx

Starry preview

My brain is wide awake.

But my body is oh so sleepy.

An irritating reoccurring combination.

Ah well. It has given me time to do more exhibition stuff. And more staring blankly out of the window.

I'm currently attempting to load up a few images of my recent artwork but its proving rather difficult.

This tiny laptop likes to keep on having a tea break to think about things, and my Internet signal is quite low (as I'm still borrowing it from my lovely neighbour!) Its amazing and actually a little bit scary how much we rely on technology. When said technology then gets a bit broken our lives go all higgeldy piggeldy and we forget that there was once a time that didnt start with www. and end in .com.

I know both Mama and Papa Piglet think I'm addicted to my mobile phone. Which is like, so untrue. Totes unfair because like, I'm really not, and I could totally survive without texts and facebook. Fa shizz. (Ooo I did enjoy being a teenager then for 3 sentences, muchos fun.)

 

 

Oh would you look at that,I managed to upload them whilst I was wittering away. These are just preparatory studies by the way folks. Not the real deal.

 

I've been exploring the theme of stars in my work, and lights that guide us...So these are just a few experiments.

Bed time now methinks...

xxx

Wilting slightly

If you're incredibly thirsty, then you've got an unquenchable thirst.

Correct? Yes I think so.

But what is it called when you're incredibly hungry? And despite constant snacking (some of which were healthy I might add) you're not full up. Its a toughie and I cant quite work it out.

Its even stranger because I'm never this hungry. I feel as if I haven't eaten for days. That I could devour a whole juicy roast chicken in mere moments. Seconds even. Throw it all down my chops in one go, bones and all. Never mind the choking hazard.

I shall have to just make myself a huge dinner and then I wont be hungry anymore.

Good plan Susie.

Perhaps this ravenous hunger has been cast upon me because I'm feeling decidedly beaky today. Maybe my clever body is telling me to fill up on tasty treats as I'm rather lacking in energy. You never know...

xxx

Spread the word

Well, thanks to my very kind neighbour Gemini, I've managed to connect to the Internet.

After spending the day considering how on earth I'm going to do all my 'publicity' for the exhibition, its one less for me to stress about. Phewie.

Carrier pigeon, telegrams and good old fashioned letters were all considered today, as I pondered my predicament. But hopefully, all will run smoothly now.

And its probably a good chance to remind you all of said exhibition.

Part of the very prestigious and nationally known Bath Literature Festival (I'm really selling this to you I know...!) Tiny Monuments, presents a collective of art, dialogue, poetry and installations exploring the theme of 'My voice in the city'. We're based at the Bath Central Library, from the 4th to the 9th March and its going to be super duper. Not just super, super DUPER. Also, its FREE!

So put it in your diary, scribble it on your forehead, and get yourself down there. At the very least, it will make the start of March at little bit more exciting for you. And you will also get the chance to view some of my slightly crazy artwork. Providing I finish them in time...

JK Rowling and Darcey Bussel are appearing at the literature festival, and you never know, I may just be able to drag them along as well. So you might get a celebrity sighting, its a definite possibility. I just need to work out how much to bribe them with....I'm thinking a bag of Haribo tangfastics should do the trick...

xxx

Apologies for the delay my lovelies, 56 grange road has been experiencing some technical difficulties. Yesterday we had neither television signal or Internet. But a magic aerial man came yesterday and mended our tv. Hurrah!Still no Internet though, so I'm trying not to think about the mountain of emails that are stacking up and need replying to. Irksome.

Oh dear. That paragraph was quite boring. Lets move on.

Last night I was transformed into Cinderella and enjoyed an evening swooshing around in my poofy ball dress.

It's quite possible my dance moves rivalled those of MC Hammer. But I don't like to boast.

Typing on this iPad thingy is a bit too tricksy for me, so I just might have to leave this short and sweet.

Xxx

40 days and 40 nights

A productive day.

My back is aching, my brain is fried, but there are some satisfying ticks off my list.

Yesterday was the start of Lent...or does it start today? My theological knowledge is not that hot on the logistics of Lent. But is has given me time to think about what I might do, or what I might give up for Lent.

No point giving up chocolate, I don't really eat it.

I momentarily pondered on the idea of giving up smoking, but that just seems like too much of a challenge right now. I'm not Superwoman after all.

Same goes for alcohol...

So I decided to think of something proactive I could do for the next 40 days instead of 'giving up' something.

Perhaps going to the gym every day.

Ha.

Another unrealistic goal.

Or give some money to charity.

Kind of realistic, but I'm not exactly flush with funds at the moment.

One year I tried to do a good deed every day, even if it was just making Mama Pig a cup of tea. I think I was fairly successful for about the first 7 days, up until the point when I completely forgot about it...

And so I have decided upon another challenge, which I think will probably turn out harder than any of the others. I'm going to give up worrying.

Well, I'm going to try anyway.

I'm not going to worry about tomorrow, or next week, or next year.

I'm not going to worry about the fact that something bad is going to happen and my depression will spiral again.

I'm not going to worry about my family or my friends.

I'm not going to worry about being unemployed.

I'm not going to worry about the fact that I still live at home.

I'm not going to worry that I'm fast approaching 30 and I haven't really achieved anything.

I'm not going to worry about people that I don't even know.

I'm not going to worry about the forthcoming exhibition.

I'm not going to worry about the hen weekend I'm planning.

I'm not going to worry about the constant pain in my back that makes me think I've got something seriously wrong.

I'm not going to worry about what I wear.

I'm not going to worry about my crazy hair.

I'm not going to worry.

I'm not.

I'm going to channel that excessive worrying into something positive. Not really sure what..maybe just positive thoughts would be a good start.

For the next 40 days anyway...(or the foreseeable future..!)

xxx

Stresshead Sooz

Stresshead Sooz has been around lately.

Have you met her?

She has a constant frown and smokes like a trooper.

Her hair looks decidedly wild, and her hands are covered in paint.

Her heart also likes to go into ridiculous palpitations, and you may actually see it jump out of her chest. (Unlikely, but feels quite possible.)

Lists are her weapon of choice. She has lists within lists.

And lists of days in which the items on the lists can be ticked off.

If you see Stresshead Sooz rushing around in a mad panic, please make her sit down. Tell her to chill. Get her a diet coke (unless she's already had 5 that day, too much caffeine is probably not the best idea.)

Remind her that everything will be OK.

Because, I think, well at least I hope, it will.

xxx

Face your fears...

Good afternoon my fellow human beings. I hope you're having a marvellous Sunday. I know I am. Mr B just made me a bacon sandwich. Yum. And he picked me up from town night when I was a tiny bit tipsy......I should think of a new phrase, but top banana just seems to sum up Mr B so well.

I was ever so slightly nervous about going out in brizzzzzle last night, as last time I was out in my glad rags I had a panic attack. I was in this crazily claustrophobic  club and it made me feel like a mini  beast  being trodden on. Not a good feeling. I don't recommend it. So I was understandably (I think....?) apprehensive.

However I tried to put that experience out of my head and concentrate on being with my friends. And you know what, I had a super smashing time.

It's hard facing your fears, but I know I can't let certain negative experiences rule my life. Black dog is not going to be in charge forever. I am.

Xxx

Footprints

This week I've been having trouble sleeping, which is a little bit unusual for moi. I seem to get in bed and relax, but then as soon as I turn off the light my mind starts buzzing and my demons come to haunt me. Its frightfully annoying. I toss and turn. Put the light back on. Write things down that are worrying me. But my brain still buzzes into a fearsome darkness. Anyway, after talking to a wise old bird, I began to read some Psalms before I turn my light off. And you know what, they've really helped. Now, I'm not one for preaching or forcing my religious views onto anyone. I rarely go to church, and I know that everyones own faith, or beliefs are a very personal thing. However, I wanted to share this, not just to remind myself, but to give a glimmer of hope to others. There have been moments in my life when I have doubted the existence of God. Through darkness and pain, it seems unimaginable that a Godlike creature exists or cares about me. But, there have been other times in my life, when things have happened that have been so clearly guided by God that its impossible not to believe in him. The cynics out there would call these moments coincidences, but I choose to ignore those voices. Instead I but my faith in a mysterious and invisible presence that has looked after me for the past 26 years. Today I was reminded of this poem, which kind of says things a lot better than I do......

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you." Copyright © 1984 Mary Stevenson, from original 1936 text, All rights reserved

Excellent work Susie

Who had 2 portions of fruit today?

That would be moi, thank you very much.

Perhaps not very newsworthy or momentous to some people. But for Susie Piggott, the girl who struggles to eat her 5 a day, its definitely something to be proud of. Who knows, it might just happen again one day.

Miracles can happen.

I ate 2 portions of fruit. (A banana and a bowl of cherries, if you're curious.)

Yes that's 2.

2 I say!

Plus the 2 vegetables I had in my dinner, so that makes 4 altogether. Wowzaroonie.

I am just Little Miss Healthy today. Mind you, I did have a sausage roll for my lunch, so I'm probably still quite a long way from being converted...

xxx

Tiny Monuments

Less than a month to go until the exhibition everyone...! Oh yes! Oh yes!

Had a  great planning session with the rest of the Tiny Monuments group today (if I havent already explained how supersmashing great this group is, I will soon, promise.) I've noticed that I tend to fluctuate between extreme excitement about the show, and absolute despair and panic. Not that I'm an emotional person at all....Oh no.. Not me.... My mind just loves to take me on a white water raft ride of emotion!

If you haven't already, put this in your diary/Filofax/or failing that write it on your little paw....

Tiny Monuments

'My voice in the city'

4th-9th March,10am-4pm daily

 Bath Central Library.

 What does your voice look like?

We are a collection of local visual artists, writers and creatives exploring the theme of 'My voice in the city'.

The exhibition will include film, installations, artworks, poetry with interactive exhibts and dialogue.

Free Event. (Yes that's FREE, and who doesn't love something for nothing?!)

We're going to be sending out leaflets, publicity, all that kind of jazz. But I just would love as many people to be there as possible (people that I like of course, not bad eggs.)

So I'm afraid for the next few weeks reader, you will have to put up with my harking on about this exhibition. Cuz its gonna be totally ace.

All I need to do is just paint the biggest piece of work I've ever attempted...oh and not shit my pants...

xxx

My voice

Today has been a painting day.

An arty farty chucking paint around my room kind of day.

I even did some finger painting. Which is ridiculously good fun, and turns out some surprisingly good results. I highly recommend it.

I also spent some time going through my archive of blogs from the past 2 years. Yes, that's right, 2 flippin' years. How scary is that?

My blog celebrated its 2nd birthday on the 2nd Feb. Happy birthday blog!

And I've decided I should see it as a celebration, instead of what the black dog wants to turn it into, which is of course a failure....Ahhhh so easy to slip down that path, thinking of everything I still can't do. Argh. NO. NO.

I wrote these words last week, that seem to have turned into a little poem....so I thought I would share them with you.....

Once there was a hidden voice.

A voice that couldn't get out.

Trapped and lost.
Empty and despairing.

The voice screamed.

No-one heard.

The voice was ready to die.
But hope had other plans.

Slowly the voice began to reveal itself.
Step by step the voice got a little louder.

Braver.

Stronger.

Two years later that voice is heard in five continents.
Twenty countries.

Now that voice is mine.

www.letstalkaboutdepression.blogspot.com

Sunday; a day full of possibilities

"Dreams can come true.....lalalala" Ooo hello Miss Gabrielle, haven't heard you and your sparkly eye patch for a while. Thank you my radio friend for playing this hopeful ditty on a Sunday morning. I like. I like.

I have now recovered from my grumpy chops mood that had enveloped me on Friday. The final straw was receiving a canvas that I'd ordered on the Internet, to find it had a big rip in it. Not cool. Especially as I'd had it specially delivered to avoid damaging it by carrying it on the bus.

However, I have now realised its not the end of the world, and I'm trying not to get my knickers in a twist. Even though I really need to start my new painting as the exhibition is coming up in 4 weeks. *runs around the room in a mad panic.*

And breathe.

Perhaps going upstairs and making a list would be a productive thing to do today.

One list of things to do now. And a second list of things to do sometime, somewhere, somehow.....

xxx

Irksome brain, irritating body.



This is me.

Tired. Headache. Grumpy chops.

Curses.

xxx