another part of the puzzle

Oh dear, naughty Susie had too much wine on Friday and had a bit of a hangover yesterday, whoops. Headache central.

I like to try and insist my hangovers are worse because of the medication I'm on....but I don't think anyone is convinced really...

Generally I know when to stop pouring wine down my throat, but Friday seemed to be a bit of a fun exception, and I got a little carried away...(loved every minute though, he he.)

But generally speaking, alcohol and depression aren't the best combination. And I've learnt that the hard way.

It can seem like a quick fix, an easy way to block out your pain, distract you, numb you. Unfortunately, it soon can have a much bigger hold over you than you can imagine.

I don't want to sound too dramatic here, I'm not a recovering alcoholic and I'm not tee-total. I can only write about my own experiences, yours are probably different. I'm just someone with a naturally addictive personality, and alcohol consumption is something I have to be aware of. Its not something I used to be aware of...but since last September, I kind of tuned into what my psychiatrist told me, which was along these lines....

"Susanna, when you drink alcohol your medication does not work. If you want to get better you need to cut down your alcohol consumption."

Now, I wasn't drinking vodka with my morning coco pops or anything, in fact, I didn't even really think I was drinking too much at all. Maybe that was part of the problem. It had become another habit, a way to unwind and relax a bit, take the edge off my black mood.

However, I decided to listen to my psychiatrist, I wanted to give my medication the best chance of working in my brain. I cut out drinking on weekdays. Perhaps not a massive deal to some people, and I can't say I always stick to it. But I can say that its helped me, and its obvious to me that my medication was given the chance to work properly.

I'm not really sure how I got talking about this tonight. It all sounds very serious and I don't want to lecture anyone. Yuk how gross, I hate when people tell me what to do. I guess its all about mindfulness, being self aware. Knowing your own mind and body and what is best for them in the long old run of life.

And of course, I still smoke like a trooper, I still have my vices. 'Fag ash Lil' is my Dads fond name for me. A disgusting habit I know, but at the moment its still a necessity in my life. It helps me, and I know I won't smoke forever, I will give up when I'm stronger. Promise.

So apologies if this does sound like I'm preaching, that wasn't my intention at all.... Please don't whip my pint glass out of my hand when you see me in the pub, that's not my intention either! I'm just wittering, as usual, about another part of the jigsaw puzzle that is my brain......

xxx