Frustration with a capital F

Good evening and welcome to my new readers in Brazil, Colombia, Ecuador, Nigeria, Turkey, Argentina and Romania.

This blog is getting truely worldwide now. Think the only continents I haven't reached are Antarctica and the Arctic. So if anyone is doing some polar exploration, log on when you're chilling your ass off in your tiny tent, and try to forget about getting frostbite.

I wish I had some funny anecdotes for you all tonight, but the reality is, I've had a truely crappy day.

Tuesdays continue to be shit. I don't like them. Lets make a six day week and get rid of Tuesday all together. I think this could be a masterful plan. Who's with me??

Argh. I'm so frustrated. And feeling quite a lot of rage building up in me. RAAA.

Surely there has to be something better than this? Something a little more hopeful than this crappy existence I seem to be drowning in.

 When will things change? Will I ever get better? Is my life going to be like this forever?? Because that's what it feels like. I'm going to be stuck at home, beating this depression and obsessively cleaning for the rest of my life. And if it is going to be like this, then I would rather know now.

I have been dragged to hell and back over the last 18 months and now I'm stuck in purgatory. Am I being punished? That's what it feels like. It feels like I don't deserve anything other than this. That I deserve to suffer with this forever. Only ever glimpsing into moments of happiness. Snatching moments of laughter when the black dog is asleep.

xxx