open your eyes

Sometimes I stare at this screen and I have so many thoughts whizzing round my brain I just don't know where to start.

There are some emotions and stuff in my life that I can write about so easily now. But there are still some boxes of stuff lodged at the back of my brain. Actions and feelings that I know I need to deal with, but its easier to just ignore them. I repeatedly push them to one side in the hope that they will magically fade away. I know they won't though. My life is not a fairytale and I don't have a magic wand (not for lack of trying though...)

This morning I woke up under a black cloud and I could feel so much negative energy trying to take hold of me. Luckily though, some bright spark had suggested I go for a bike ride. And so that's what I did. I actually dragged my miserable arse out of bed and got pedalling.

Despite being overtaken by several OAP's on the cycle track (not a great confidence boost) I actually kind of enjoyed it. Well, maybe not enjoyed, but it felt really satisfying anyway. I tried to focus my mind on other things, in an attempt to fight against the black dog. By concentrating my mind on the amazing colours that I was surrounded by, I was able to transfer my negative energy into something else.

I reckon most of us walk around with our eyes closed 90% of the time... just not seeing how much beauty is around us...

 I'm a bit weird in the fact that I can find things like industrial buildings beautiful in cities, especially when you get a really old building next to something groundbreakingly modern, I LOVE that.

Or what about the way the sun can make someones skin look, illuminating certain colours. Eyes are a constant source of beauty too, I am obsessed with eyes. What else. Oh yeh hands, they can be so beautiful. Not mine, cuz they're really chubby, but proper working hands I love, hands that tell a story.

 Bridges are pretty awesome too, like big metal bridges, amazingly beautiful. And the sky, and clouds, wow, so beautiful. So many colours. I know I'm wittering...but when I'm feeling like shit it really helps to open my eyes wide and look for something beautiful....

xxx