Since last Tuesday I have had the most 2 catchy songs in my head EVER. Anyone watched the film Music and Lyrics with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore? Its ultimate cheese on toast. These songs are starting to drive me a little crazy now. And I also keep on doing the co-coordinating dance moves. Which can be a little embarrassing when walking down the road, I just seem to have no control of my hips. Oh dear. I really wish I was someone else...!
Anyway enough about that...I've had a lovely weekend in Oxford with the girls, and I'm now in Solihull for the week. Its like a mini road trip around England. Well, super mini, its quite tiny really, and I havent actually driven...just got stupid trains instead...
Didnt get to sleep until 4am last night (this morning?!) so I am struggling to keep my peepers open. But I loved busting my dance moves and I havent got too much of a headache...so think I was fairly sensible(ish) with the old alcohol consumption.
No doubt my 3 year old nephew Joshua will provide me with some entertaining stories this week. He never fails to make me smile (apart from when he wakes me up in the night...not such a smiley Susie at 2am..)
Erm yeah. Soooo thats it really. Well its not actually. But I cant find the right words.
One of the things that I'm struggling with at the moment is how my depression can distort things in my brain. I can so easily get situations confused and out of perspective. I can make decisions without thinking through the long term consequences. Its kind of scary, and I feel like I've made no real progress in that area. Which is particularly irritating and frustrating. My brain cannot always work logically and reason properly, it just goes all wonky and confused. And sometimes I don't realize until its too late. Argh I don't know. I think I probably need to cut myself some slack. Remember that Susie's brain is ill, its poorly, and not 100 % better yet. But then I think, no its my brain, and so its my fault, I've done this to myself. I really wish there was a magic cure, a quick fix, because I'm so tired.
I think I need my jammies. Yes. Jammies and a cuddle. And maybe teddy too....!
x
oh and this is the song!!
You do voice the confused feelings of many Suzie!! It's why I sometimes post... Up down, left right, in out, closed open.... Just because, I dont know where I am. Sometimes it's nice to know you aren't alone in that feeling.
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