Say I am

New blogging technique… Write it out in word, then copy and paste. Thanks for the tip genius. Lets see if this works. Yesterday I spent an hour typing away and somehow it all disappeared into cyber land. Grr.

But today is a new day. And I am keeping my fingers crossed that these words won’t vanish.

I’m feeling a little bit strange right now, because for the first time in 6 months I have managed to shed a tear. Yes. Progress has been made.

I think when you are diagnosed with depression you are expected to be all weepy 24/7, and feel sad, sorry for yourself even. But the truth is so much more complicated than that. As I have said many times before, when at its worst, depression is being devoid of feelings and emotions all together. You can’t even remember what they feel like. A distant memory.

Listening to this song, hearing these words, something hit me…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a28s_wyqkyc

Wonderful, Gary Go

The person that you were has died
You’ve lost the sparkle in your eyes
You fell for life - into its traps
Now you wanna bridge the gaps
Now you wanna bridge the gaps
Now you want that person back

And all your ammunition’s gone
Run out of fuel to carry on
You don’t know what you wanna do
You’ve got no pull to pull you through

Say I am
Say I am
Say I am wonderful

Say I am
Say I am
Say I am wonderful

If what you’ve lost cannot be found
And the weight of the world weighs you down
No longer with the will to fly
You stop to let it pass you by
Don’t stop to let it pass you by
You’ve gotta look yourself in the eye

Say I am
Say I am
Say I am wonderful
Oh you are

Say I am
Say I am
Say I am wonderful

Cause we are all miracles
wrapped up in chemicals
We are incredible
Don’t take it for granted, no
We are all miracles
Oh we are

Say I am
Say I am
Say I am wonderful
Oh you are

Don’t take it for granted, no
We are all miracles
wrapped up, yeah we’re wrapped up
Oh we are wonderful

Now I’m not saying I am wonderful…Just for the record. But I don’t know, I can’t describe it, the words of the song just seem to fit.

Its given me another glimmer of hope. For me to realise that maybe there is something remembering about myself. And even if I don’t know exactly what it is, I  can’t pinpoint it, or nessercarily trace its origin, just knowing that its there is a bit of a miracle.

xxx