Just had mild anxiety overload as we were going to be eating tea outside. I still find eating such an effort. And at the moment lovely sis is here and crazy Joshua. So the house is a bit more nutty than usual. Overwhelmed with the urge to tidy and clean 24/7. Trying to resist. But anyway I didn't know we were having tea outside, so I started...poked around with my food. But it was too much. I needed my seat. My seat in the kitchen that no-one else is allowed to sit at. Ha. I gravitated back to my safe place, and finished most of my meal. It sounds such ridiculous behaviour when I sit down and write about it! I think I probably would have been OK to eat outside on a whim if I had decided it. Or if I was prepared in advance. Or if I hadn't had such a busy/noisy/Joshua filled craziness afternoon. Its about those small steps. And remembering my limits. Protecting myself and being in control...although I know I cant do that forever..yikes...
Very frustrating...! Cleaned the kitchen after tea though, which felt satisfying. And lowered the anxieties levels. Bonus.
Second day running that the bikini has made an appearance. In England. In the garden. In April. Wow. Shocking behaviour. And I went in the paddling pool. Wowzas. I still haven't opened my blinds in my room though, I've not gone all out embracing the sunshine yet. But a definite improvement.
Got quite a lot of thoughts buzzing around my head....
Oh no wait... blog momentarily interrupted because my darling dog has crapped on the carpet. Classic.
xxxxxxx
P.S went for a walk this afternoon...this was on repeat on my ipod...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-S90Uch2as&feature=related simon and garfunkel, sound of silence..... (loving the sexy yellow jumpers...)
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