So much stuff in my head tonight.... And here's the real Christmas miracle (don't ask me why its a Christmas themed miracle, I just think it has a nice little ring to it!ha)...pretty much all of it is exciting! Wahhoowooooo!
The first Christmas miracle is that in almost 4 months I have been left on my own for the evening. Now I know that doesn't sound like a big deal to most people. But its a huge whopping great sign for me that's shouting PROGRESS! PROGRESS! And its kind of unbelievable to be honest. I'm at home, on my own, and I feel OK. I never ever thought I would get to this point. I know that writing all this down so honestly might freak people out or think its weird but I am past the point of caring....
I have my strongbow, and my telly viewing for the night, and I'm not freaking out. The black dog is here (he never completely disappears) but he hasn't taken over my whole being, he's just kind of nipping at my ankles. And I can cope with that.
Yes. I really don't want to forget this. And even if the black dog takes over tomorrow or the next day, or even later on this evening, I can remember that at 8 o'clock on Friday 1st April, I was home alone, and I'm not going to do anything silly..........or dangerous....or both........!
Wow that feels so amazing to write down. Its like I've found a little nugget of strength combined with a mouthful of medicine.
My counsellor and I talked yesterday about the Phoenix rising from the ashes, and that has really stayed in my mind as such a powerful image. I don't want to forget that either. Maybe I'll try and paint it....hmmm...
The other slightly exciting thing that happened today was that I bought some shoes. Ahhh shoes. My one true love. And true love lasts a lifetime! Ha. Anyway back to these shoes. That I love. Wow so gorgeous. Killer heels, with a platform, taupe, covered in little studs on the heel. Oh and a bargain. Slightly uncomfortable but who the hell cares. The real dilemma was thinking about when the bloody hell am I ever going to wear them. I don't go out. My life is pretty limited at the moment, as black dog and anxiety kind of have the control on everything. So I considered, should I get them, have them sit in my wardrobe and be a reminder to me of everything I cant do. Or should I get them, wear them round the house and try and aim to wear them out of the house one day (not sure when...I'm just staying vague on this one...!) With a little persuasion and a lot of strutting, I got them. Hurrah. And my little feet are looking pretty super sexy stylish right now.
Hurrah again!
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Strongbow....like it. I get where your at. Good work. :@)
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